


Journal of a Survivor

by velocitygrass



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Diary/Journal, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-22 23:11:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3747082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A deadly flu hits the world. Rodney starts keeping a journal that chronicles his survival. These are some excerpts from it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Journal of a Survivor

**Author's Note:**

> Written for McSheplets challenge #199: apocalypse.
> 
> Content note: There is apocalyptic mass death of the population, but John and Rodney (as well as others) survive.

Day 1

I'm starting this journal because I believe in the near future we'll lose reliable electricity and what we do have will need to be used for things other than recording written accounts of what is happening.

H21N5 is as deadly as it is infectious and has now spread in all continents (even Antarctica) or as the media says, "The flupocalypse is taking over the world." The curfew for all is supposed to finally beat it, but with so many already dead or dying and with the virus so uncharacteristically persistent outside of the body, I don't see how this will solve the problem.

Sooner or later everyone will run out of food in their own homes and then they'll be forced to leave the house or food has to be brought to them. There are not enough disinfectants, not enough protective gear, and mass producing more is not possible with everyone ordered to stay home, and even if they could, it would still need to be transported.

I haven't hoarded as much food as others. But then I'm not sure there'll be a point in continued survival soon enough.

I hope I'm wrong. If ever there was a time for me to be wrong, this would be it.

~~

Day 10

The curfew has only delayed the inevitable. Yes, new infections are down as far as total numbers go, but of those that actually leave the house because they have permission to work or guard the streets many still get sick. And people are starting to break the curfew if they don't want to die alone or if they're running out of food.

People have been shot. The media that is still on the air calls it isolated incidents, but I've heard shots myself. I don't know if they were warning shots or who took them, but if I've heard them in my quiet street close to the university, I doubt it's an isolated incident.

~~

Day 21

I've started cutting down my rations again. The door fortifications are holding. They've tried to break in again today.

When will the government finally admit that it's over? They don't have the resources to remove the viruses that are spread around outside on all available surfaces, patiently waiting to latch onto the next host to claim the next victim and produce more viruses to kill.

~~

Day 33

I'll have to leave the house and find food soon. I'm not sure where to go. There are still occasional shots outside, but they're infrequent. I'm not sure if others had more luck than I getting any kind of communication.

I'm surprised the electricity hasn't gone out yet. Not that it helps reaching anyone.

~~

Day 35

It took five houses but I found a food source.

The first two were barricaded. The third one had such a stench of death that I didn't move further. Fourth one... He wasn't dead yet, but it's not going to take long. And he obviously had no food. So I left.

I suppose I could share what I found, but I'm not sure anything will help that man. Or maybe I'm rationalizing my decision to put my own life before that of others. Apparently I'm not ready to give up yet.

This will be the best meal I had in days. Worth the set of clothes that I burned just in case.

~~

Day 90

Found another person dead on their front lawn. What disturbs me is that they survived so long but still managed to get infected in the end. I'm keeping up with my habit of burning anything I wear when I leave the house. Thankfully I don't have to do it often. Moving to an empty home with resources instead of carrying it back to mine was the right decision.

My current "home" will last me for several weeks. Every move is a risk. I'm aware of that, but with no way of detecting the virus other than by seeing the presence of death or the tell-tale handkerchiefs, the only thing I can do is minimize the moves I make.

~~

Day 123

I found a new place to stay with resources. Not as much as I'd like, but it was hard enough to find this.

I'm starting to wonder why I'm still alive.

I met another survivor while looking for a new place to stay. The door was barricaded, and I was ready to move on when he asked what it's like outside.

I told him I wouldn't really know since I'm only leaving to look for a new place to stay. We talked a bit, and he tries to get food in bulk when he goes out and started growing a little garden in his living room.

I asked him how he managed not to get infected by the viruses outside. He's producing ethanol to use as a disinfectant. I told him about my clothes-burning.

Have we really just been better at reducing the risks? I've always considered myself smarter than everyone else, but even I have to admit that this type of survival was never a high priority for me. There are probably others out there in their bunkers. Though that type of person will not be found in the suburbs of a city, I suppose.

So maybe I'm really still alive because I'm better at it.

~~

Day 140

I stretched out the stay as much as I could but I had to find a new place if I didn't want to risk starving. Unfortunately this one is even worse in terms of resources. It will get harder and harder, I'm afraid. Maybe I should look into my own garden, like John suggested.

I talked to him again when I was out. I'm not sure why. I usually don't visit the same house twice, but I just wanted to know if he was still alive. There really don't seem to be many of us left here. Unless people stay quiet when I come across their barricaded homes, which could be the case.

We talked and exchanged names. He's a retired Air Force officer. I'm not sure how I feel about that, though I'm now certain that he is well armed. He gave me some tips for my potential garden. I'm not sure I want to risk hunting for the plants though. I've kept my eyes out today, but haven't come across an outdoor garden.

Maybe next time.

~~

Day 152

I found a new place. This one has a cellar full of provisions. I'm not sure what happened to the owners that they didn't need their supplies, but I'm not complaining.

I also visited John again. He gave me a gift. He'd put a walkie-talkie outside for me. So now we can talk from the safety of our homes.

I have to admit it is a relief to be able to talk to another human being again even if it feels strange. There's not much in our day-to-day lives that is worth talking about, so we talk about the past a lot. Nothing personal, though, I noticed. Maybe John needs to warm up to it. Or there is not much to tell.

I wonder if Jeannie is still alive. I'm not sure when I last thought about her. Everything is so surreal, it's hard to think of that old life as reality.

~~

Day 160

John is going out into town. It's only been eight days, but I cannot imagine life without being able to talk to him. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed having a human connection. My old self would have laughed if it had been suggested.

I'm sure he'll be careful. He has done this before after all. And there aren't many people out there, I think. And those that are out there hopefully know how hard it was to come this far and won't unnecessarily end a life.

Then again at this point in time even a small trivial thing could be considered worth killing over. There is no rule of law anymore. I recall my first foray outside, the dying man that I could have helped but chose not to.

I hope John makes it back alive, well and uninfected.

~~

Day 160

John is back. He's gone through his routine of disinfecting and asked me if I wanted to come over. I find myself wanting to go. I can afford to burn another set of clothes or two. And I'm curious about what he looks like.

~~

Day 160

I have chocolate, plants for my garden, and a ridiculous overreaction to John.

I'm not sure if it's that I haven't seen another living person, let alone an attractive one, in months, but I had a hard-on before I even left John. I hope he didn't notice. If he did, he didn't say anything.

I've masturbated twice already thinking about him, but I feel like doing it again.

It occurs to me that this wasn't the kind of thing I had meant to record in this journal. Then again I don't believe there will be publications or museums or anything of that kind any time soon.

~~

Day 210

John asked about my plans for the near future. I told him that there's still food in the cellar, and with my own garden I'm good for a while. I'm not sure what the purpose of asking was. I asked him for his plans, and he said he'd stay at his place for now.

We talked about Atlanta again. I'm not sure the CDC is any better off than the rest of the US, but it would be something to do. I get the feeling, John would like to do something to actively change his situation. We'd get a feel for how things look elsewhere. But there's no way of knowing how usable streets will be. And if he have to risk exposure on the road, we'd want to at least stick to our own vehicle with provisions and things like John's generator and distiller.

~~

Day 217

John has finally asked me what he'd meant to ask last week. He suggested that I move in with him.

That's not how he called it. He said something about sharing space, making the most of resources, but in the end, moving in together is what it comes down to. He told me to think about it before changing the subject.

I'm glad he did because I would have immediately said yes if he hadn't. I still want to say yes, but I'm not sure how he'll react when he finds out that I'm attracted to him—to put it mildly. He doesn't strike me as homophobic even though he was in the military, but that doesn't mean he would want to live in close quarters with someone who's in lust with him.

~~

Day 219

I still haven't given an answer to John. He hasn't asked. I don't know what to do. I don't want things to get awkward between us. We've had disagreements before, but this would be different, and living under the same roof with no easy way to just walk out even to cool off or get some space would be difficult.

~~

Day 221

I've made a decision. I'll tell John the truth before I agree to move in with him. That way he can bow out without having to kick me out and he won't have to tell it to my face.

~~

Day 221

"It's no problem." That was all John had to say to my confession.

I hope he'll really be okay and doesn't just think so because he's missing being around humans so much that even the inconvenience of a guy lusting after him would be acceptable.

Or he's... No. There's no point in fantasizing.

~~

Day 223

I'm writing this from my new room at John's place. Our place now, I guess.

It was quite a bit of work to bring as many provisions as we can and the garden, but with what John already had, we're set for a while.

~~

Day 228

I don't want to become too hopeful, but I'm beginning to think John might not mind if we took our relationship further. He's looking at me sometimes as if he's undressing me in his mind. I really, really hope I'm not just imagining things because I want this so badly.

~~

Day 235

I can't take this anymore. I have to ask John if he feels the same. If he does, I'm not sure what he's waiting for. Maybe that's a sign that I'm just seeing what I want to see. But if I'm really so far gone, maybe him telling me "no" explicitly will manage to set me straight so to speak.

~~

Day 236

I don't know what to write.

Words cannot describe how it felt. It wasn't about sex after such a long dryspell. I've never felt so close to another person in my life. The best wasn't the kisses or how we touched or the orgasms. It was when he leaned his head in the place between my neck and my shoulder.

I think I've been very wrong about my feelings for John. I'm not in lust. I'm in love.

I know how unlikely it is considering our circumstances, but I'm not going to question how I feel if the only thing it can do is ruin my happiness.

Now he asks what I'm writing. I told him it's a journal and that he can't read it. He doesn't press it. And invites me back to bed.

~~

Day 252

I hope this is the worst of the cold. We have enough to survive another month, more if we have to, but I really don't want to die like this.

We've already decided we'll make the trip towards the CDC, if only to be further south next winter.

~~

Day 340

John met some survivors today when he was out to retrieve resources. They're living in a small community on the other side of town. We're invited to join or just visit.

They believe that the virus is dead now. They've stopped using precautions when going out and so far nobody caught it.

We're skeptical. I have to admit, I'm quite happy with just the two of us. And yes, maybe that's fear talking. We never talked about our relationship. I know nothing about John's previous relationships other than that he had a wife at some point. I don't know if I'm the first guy he had sex with. I wish I would have paid more attention when we started this.

If we meet others, he might remember that he's actually into women. Of course, if that's how he really feels then maybe it would be better to end this sooner rather than later, and being in a group with others would help. I don't want us to be so dependent on another that it makes us stay together even if we no longer truly want it.

Though I find that hard to believe. I still love him as much as when I first realized it.

~~

Day 345

We've visited the survivor community. There were more people than I thought there'd be. More than I could count.

I feel more open to joining them, now that I've been there. They were very respectful and didn't try to pressure us. We left a walkie-talkie with them so that we can stay in contact.

~~

Day 366

I can't believe it's been a year. It feels at once like yesterday when every channel was full of news of this new deadly flu and like a lifetime ago.

~~

Day 381

The survivor community is running a test to prove that the virus is dead. One of them is going to the hospital and touching bodies. They say our doubts got them thinking.

John told them they were reckless, and he didn't want to have anything to do with their "test".

~~

Day 405

The test was a success. The volunteer returned healthy. He also told them about a lab he found. The community apparently includes people qualified to run some actual lab tests.

John is still pissed off at them that they did this. I can understand him, but it doesn't appear that the volunteer was forced or coerced or anything of that kind, and I for one would be glad to know for sure that it's safe out there.

~~

Day 415

The community has contacted us again to tell us that they found a place that was constantly kept warm over winter, had bodies that definitely died of infection and were unable to detect the virus.

I still don't know how to feel. When I first heard the news I was happy. Then John asked me if I'm willing to trust this, and I told him I'm ready to stop being afraid.

I think I want to join the community. And I think we still should make our way to the CDC, if only because others will do the same. The future is still very unclear. Even if we rebuild, life as we'd known it for decades will never be the same. But for the first time since this started I find myself hopeful for something more than survival.

~~

Day 577

It's as I'd thought. The CDC is nothing but a husk, but there are people here who thought this would be their best bet to find others.

We'll return home to tell the others, though I'm not sure how long it will be home after that. I'm not sure it matters. I'm looking forward to the challenge here or there or maybe some place else entirely. Florida sounds like a good place to be in winter.

And either way, home is where John is, so we'll be fine.

Oh, he's organized some great fresh food. I think we'll be better than fine.


End file.
